I have just read a bewildering report in the Daily Express by a Peter Henn. I'm confused.  The report claims that anti-gay sentiment in England is driving young gay Muslims directly into the arms of the murderously homophobic ISIS.

Here’s a quote. Trust your eyes and believe you're actually reading what you think might not actually be reading. 

“However, some experts say the taboo surrounding homosexuality in many Western Muslim communities could be driving young gay Muslims "to despair" and end up with them travelling to Syria to take up the cause of jihad.”

Yes, that’s right. According to Peter young Gay Muslims in England, having been deeply emotionally traumatised by the UK's rampant anti-gay culture, feel compelled to  rush off to  Syria and assist  a bunch of homicidal maniacs  in throwing other gays off buildings, even though they are in danger of also being thrown off the same building. because they are actually, well, uh,  gay too. 

Can this really be true? I didn't realise Britain was so homophobic. I believe gays can be legally married within England. Openly gay MP’s work at the highest political levels and many of the UK’s most prominent musicians and and athletes athletes are gay and.. wait.. wait... stop! I’ve badly misunderstood this article!

I foolishly thought the report was claiming young Muslim gays were being oppressed by anti-gay western sentiment. No, I was reading too quickly. The quote clearly stated: “The taboo surrounding homosexuality in many Western Muslim communities could be driving young gay Muslims "to despair" and end up with them travelling to Syria to take up the cause of jihad.”

Ah, I get it now.  When Peter Henn speaks about “Muslim communities within the UK” we all know he obviously meant religiously and culturally closed off communities that adhere to shitty Muslim values and steadfastly ignore the wonderfully advanced cultural norms and laws of the Christian country in which they are bloody honoured to have sneaked into. I shouldn't blame myself, I got lost in Peter's PC speak but I think I may well be up to speed now. This.. article... is... saying that... "Contempt and scorn from culturally backward Muslim communities are causing young, closeted, utterly miserable Muslims to kill other Gay Muslims who have the temerity to be happy about being Gay and Muslim". 

I'm glad the Daily Express cleared this up for me. At last I'm getting a clear snip of the big picture now.  The bearded thugs who are throwing all those shit-scared, brown-skinned gay men over the edges of those teetering, bullet-ridden buildings are actually closeted Kylie Minnogue back up dancers in need of a good hug.  Finally, I understand why those swathy 911 butchers flew a plane into those tall, erect buildings jutting out of the puckered New York landscape. No doubt the faded, worn down pornography Bin Laden was caught with contained sticky, hard to separate double page spreads of oil smeared Turkish wrestlers. The rumors that Bin Laden went down on his knees before his American captors just before they shot him take on a whole new significance.

The article also states: “A source said: "In a sense it should come as no surprise that radical Muslims can have suppressed feelings as much as any other section of society."  This is enlightening, since I was under the impression radical muslims had no feelings at all.

Thanks, Peter, for clearing up all this messy stuff.  I think I've grabbed hold of your hellishly important gist now. We are not dealing with a clash of civilisations. We are actually facing the fall out from the biggest gay Muslim hissy fit of all time. I've been hearing for years that the new wave of terror against the west is being spearheaded by educated doctors and lawyers. Everyone knows what happens when well off, super-educated gay professionals lose their minds. We’re doomed!

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Photograph from the cover of Taliban  by Thomas Dworzak.