A short step back in time:

Zimbabwe Inc. is being run into the ground by its long-serving and only-ever CEO Robert Mugabe. The CEO’s belief that God chose him to guide Zimbabwe remains unshaken. However, long decades of his blind, self-satisfied incompetence have reduced the mighty Zimbabwe Inc. to a shadow of its former glory.  The factory workers are working longer hours for hardly any pay. Middle management can hardly afford to send their kids to private schools. Investors are experiencing rapidly diminishing returns. Zimbabwe Inc. is falling to pieces. 

The shareholders aren’t happy with Mugabe’s increasingly laboured performance. Unfortunately, the CEO and the brand are so closely identified with one another that any “forced” separation threatens the company’s very survival.

A cabal of jittery shareholders Emmerson Mnangagwa, a dull but hard-working fellow, to the position of Managing Director. Mnangagwa shuns the spotlight but actually runs meetings, has a clear vision for the future, appears reliably sane and is reported to have a good sense of humour. The shareholders are unlikely to risk losing their heads when popping by Mnangagwa’s office for a quick coffee and to share gossip about which minister is emplo9ying their mistress as their deputy. Even better, Mnangagwa and Mugabe appear to get along. They appreciate each other’s strengths. The CEO is too old to attend meetings anyway, and even the army can’t help Mnangagwa whip a crowd into shape. The new partnership works. Life goes on. Mnangagwa signs the cheques. Mugabe remains free to attend upscale dinner parties and shake hands with minor Zimbwean celebrities who lack the talent to find employment abroad.

Could the state of the country decline any further? Yes, but who cares as long as the starving masses aren’t storming parliament and stealing the shareholder’s luxury cars? Things, still, kind of work.

Enter Grace, the CEO’s helplessly Gucci-addicted wife. Grace has decided the managing director is an ambitious prick who is plotting to overthrow her beloved husband and then cut off her unlimited credit line.  Determined to hold onto power, Grace convinces her husband to fire the upstart Mnangagwa and quickly announce her as his successor. Mugabe duly boots Mnangagwa out of the country and invites the shareholders to attend a Special meeting with him and Grace.

During this fateful meeting, Grace proposes she will take over the company. There is no need for anyone to worry. Everyone knows Grace has been making key decisions for the President (God bless him) for years. Nothing will change. Everyone can still get along. 

The shareholders have no desire to offend the CEO. They listen respectfully to Grace, but they’re far from pleased. Grace has no track record of running a successful market stall, let alone one of Africa’s prime businesses. Fearing their hard-won life savings are about to be pissed away by this over-ambitious woman, the shareholders implore the CEO, their lifelong friend and brother, to come to his senses.  For the last time, they extend their hands in comradely friendship. The CEO must restore the company's sound management by bringing Mnangagwa back. The CEO will still be the CEO. Mnangagwa will still be his "faithful" employee. Everything will be like it was before. One big happy family (where Grace knows her place).

The CEO’s bottom lip quivers emotionally as he thinks about this disgraceful offer. He turns, grabs hold of Grace’s hand and rips into his old comrades. After his beloved first wife died, he never thought he would find another woman worthy of sharing his bed, let alone one capable of smoothing out the blankets so well.  How dare they suggest that Mnangagwa, that ungrateful brattish whelp, can do a better job than Grace. Get out of my home and don’t come back until you’re prepared to go down on your knees and apologise to Grace for your cheek!

Deeply wounded by their old friend’s callous behaviour, the fretful shareholders withdraw to their favourite bar to discuss the growing crisis.  Who does the CEO think he is? When the Brits mounted a hostile takeover, we stood by him. When those power-mad Americans cut off our credit line, we replaced them with less bellicose Chinese investors. This is how he repays us? By throwing our livelihoods away on this woman’s mad addiction to expensive hair weaves and fake white dentures. How could he do this to us?

Slowly, the shareholders come to a simple, all too obvious conclusion.

The CEO is no longer our partner. He would never suggest this madness if he still had our interests at heart. What will become of us if this witch succeeds him? Grace has no loyalty to us. She will try to replace us – or worse… She must go! A pox upon them both!   

One big question remains: The CEO is still the founder of the company. He’s the only boss many of our employees have ever known. How will the staff react if we kick him out? 

The question is answered with another question and a simple statement: When was the last time anyone in the company got a full paycheque? Cut the crap. Our employees are loyal to the man who puts bread and eggs on their table. Right now, that man is Mnangagwa.

Days later, the emboldened shareholders call an open meeting with Zimbabwe Inc.’s powerful union representatives and explain their decision to replace the CEO with a younger, fresher man. Within a matter of minutes, the union leaders vote to get rid of the CEO.

And, just like that, the great, the once irreplaceable Robert Mugabe is gone.

Concerned partners of Zimbabwe Inc. commission an analysis of why the CEO fell and how ZImbabwe Inc can put in place systems that might avert a similar destabilisation from occurring again. The conclusion of the analysts is quite straightforward:  The CEO wasn’t undone by grandiose visions of returning prime company stock to low-income workers or because his long-term failure transform Zimbabwe INC into a dominant economic African powerhouse. No, the CEO fell because directors remain loyal to business leaders who offer a good employment package, maintain a high corporate stock value, and guarantee them regular profits.

The motto of this epic tale: When you’re up, you’re up. When you’re down, you’re out!

NB: The end of the report contained a subtle warning to the new CEO to deliver success to the shareholders and company employees as quickly as possible.