The Dr. Avi Bucksbaum Tapes: Trump on the Moon Landings

You know doctor, I never got why Armstrong was regarded as such a big guy. Why? The guy blew it. He had such a big opportunity. I mean, look, he made it to the moon. The freaking moon, right. Look at it. Can you see it? I can't see it right now. I think I've been getting laid too much. I haven't been feeling myself lately. My eyes are getting a little blurry. I need to slow down.

One day I'll get to the moon. Put something really impressive up there. Charge the shit out of people for staying there. It's gonna be real exclusive. You don't want people to pay a shit load of money and find themselves surrounding by garbage. It will be something extraordinary for really special people. It's gonna be huge, have everything the best people could want. But only a small number of people will be able to rent out a room. Maybe I'll even charge for the view. You know, put a building in with closed or blacked out windows.

Once a day, for maybe fifteen minutes, maybe a little longer, the shutters will come up and you'll get a view of America all the way from the moon. Can you imagine? That will be crazy, right. And when all those folks are looking down at us, we'll be looking up at them. We'll be able to see the Trump sign from anywhere on the planet. It will be beautiful. Just beautiful. That's why I don't get Armstrong. What was all that one small step for mankind stuff about anyway?

I mean when you think about it properly, what was he saying? I mean who wrote that stuff? If one of my people had brought me that line I would have thrown them out of my office. I mean really, it's a terrible, terrible line. You know what I would have done if that had been me? I would have said that's one big step for Trump. Armstrong went all that way and he didn't say anything that made sense. He didn't owe anyone anything; he got there by his own efforts, right? He was the best and he deserved everything that came his way. I would have done the walk up there, got out my flag and let everyone see the Trump symbol right off the bat. That would have been a statement to end all statements.

One day, trust me, I'm gonna put a Trump building up there. It's gonna make everything I've ever done look like… It will be something. Believe me. You believe me, right? Honestly, I couldn’t give a shit if you believe me or not. It’s already taken care of. I’ve thought about it and it will happen. That’s my greatest strength. I think about stuff no one has ever dared think about and I make that stuff happen. It doesn’t matter what other people think or if they laugh at me. They can laugh all they want. None of that bothers me. Getting things done, that’s what gets me going.

Pulling off the impossible, doing something no one else thought I could do, now that’s an achievement. Armstrong didn’t even do something amazing, not when you really think about it. Everyone knew he was going to reach the moon. Look at all the help he had. It was a done deal. If that had been me I would have stepped off that moon shuttle and walked people over to my new Porsche and everyone would have gone “Wow, how did he do that?”

That would have blown their minds. That’s what a real showman would have done.

Armstrong was okay but he didn’t sell it. I would have sold the shit out of it. It would have been memorable. Something everyone would have been talking about for the rest of their lives. Where’s Armstrong now? No one is talking about him, right. He could walk down the street and no one would bother him. If I go down the street everyone knows me. I can go anywhere in the world and people will stop and stare. That means something. If Armstrong had sold himself properly, can you imagine how big he’d be? Think about it.